Winter feels the same each year. This kind of suffocation – like, it pulls me so deeply into my own soul that I think I’m the only thing that exists and the walls of me are the walls of the whole universe.
I guess it’s a kind of lonliness.
It pulls me in and then it spits me right out again and – God, whomever that may be, must laugh because each year as I fall from the lips of winter and drop like a hard seed in the ground – I have the same look of astonishment on my face.
Each year I exclaim, “Wow! I thought it would go on forever!”
So I wonder, I’d this year I could try doing it differently. I think I know that winter won’t last forever- I look out and see buds forming on tree branches above me and snow melting to reveal mud slapped grass.
I know that I will emerge unchanged- at my core, that is- and completely rearranged. Reorganized on the inside.
All that time inside, it really puts things in place for me.
I consider moving to Hawaii for good but I’m confused about time and so the idea of having an 8 hour difference is so odd to me I don’t think I can stand it.
What’s next? Is there a way, in the future, to explore without traveling through giant metal carriers that disrupt the sky? I hope so.
I see beams of light. I see us folding our worlds into them and between them and telling stories across the lines from one to another so we all get the message at the same time.
I see our homes stacked high, encased in light tubes that take up no space but still exist in it.
I see what I would call a dimension, right next to our own, and it belongs to us just as much as this one does.
I’m not afraid to travel there, within there, and reach out and touch here.
It’s like a form of connection I can’t even imagine.
But I got a little vision last night- of a woman who was me but looked and felt so different but so similar and felt so me. I didn’t even recognize her, like, it felt like I’d never met her yet but yet I knew her and she was me.
She was beautiful and balanced and purple and green and brown.
I think I may be becoming her or maybe the part of me that is her is coming out.
I remember- in that state which I call “mediation” where I’m in that other dimension- that I can experience things and then pull them out to hold them here. Like, remembering a dream.
It was like an email but different because it was so far beyond that. It was between me and others who were from further places and I said “I want to receive more of this!” And I knew they got the message, all at once, all clear. It was like email but better. Instantaneous thoughtform travel.
I remember that the message also had form. It was like a little cake of pourus material- like a really, really sense, wet sponge. And there was the one I accessed and there were two more that I didn’t yet.
I think they are still “there” waiting for me to “open”.
I wonder how to do it.
I feel myself becoming more efficient at this – accessing information from seemingly outside sources.
How do they have so much information about me?
How are there other aspects of me that don’t exist here?
How can I access this information all the time, on demand, whatever I need, whatever I want, whatever I ask for, whatever will help.
Is that what’s already happening?
How does the information form into matter? Like, where does this reality spring from?
When I go back there I have everything I’m asking for here.
How do I open all of the channels? How do I let my life reflect that wholeness and safety and understanding and love?
I’ll keep going there- to that space I call meditation that is seeping into so many moments of my life when I’m doing so many different things that I believe I am almost permanently placed there.
Perhaps that’s what’s shifting- me. Into another time zone.