Things that have happened lately – journal

A few interesting things have happened lately that I’d like to share.

One: In meditation the other day, in a totally regular and routine moment, while I was putting my son down for a nap,  a new energy came to me that I had not previously interacted with consciously. They called themselves, or it called itself, “Masters” and I received a flood of visions as well as auditory (clairaudient) messages. They told me that they were connected with me now and would continue to be accessible to me moving forward. They said they would help me receive psychic information. It felt like I got a whole new team of guides in one quick download! I remember thinking, “this is big but this moment is ordinary, I just expected that with something like this there would be more of a BANG!” Since then I have dialed into the “Masters” in meditation many times. It has only been two days but they have been consistently available to me and have answered all questions that I have allowed them to answer. They have also given me extra support and information that I didn’t directly ask for. I’m very excited to be working with this new energy! At this point I am not concerned with figuring out who or what it really is because I feel it is beyond my current capacity to understand. In the near future I expect to expand to a perspective where I can ask this question to the “Masters” with clarity and thus receive clarity in the answer. As of now I understand them to be one of an infinite number of divisions of God that holds a specific purpose, intention and application to my life.

Two: I  manifested a tomato. A whole bunch of them actually! I was playing Ultimate Frisbee and the thought came to me, “I would really love to have a tomato right now!” I imagined myself eating it like an apple, biting into a bright red, juicy, delicious tomato and enjoying it’s tangy refreshment. I acknowledged that I didn’t currently have a tomato and I let it go completely, I didn’t think of it again. Then, after Frisbee, my partner, our kids and a friend of ours stopped by my partners grandparents house. His grandparents recently built an outdoor structure that includes a bar and mini fridge with a clear glass door. Up until this point the fridge has just held some beverages and other things that were of no interest to me. Through the door of the mini-fridge something caught my eye, a beautiful tomato! THE tomato that envisioned, on the vine AND a whole bunch more in a bag on a shelf below it! It probably goes without saying that ate the tomato. I also gave one to my daughter and brought a bunch home. All of you who are on a journey similar to mine, trying to understand exactly how we manifest as conscious creators of our own reality, you will understand the significance of this divinely synchronicity experience. I am using it as a blueprint in my attempt to manifest other things. I had very little attachment to the outcome of my manifestation. A desire arose, I enjoyed the thought of it and felt good thinking it. I let it go. It showed up along with even more than what I asked for. Boom. Let’s see what else I can do.

Three: I did not receive the grant that I was SO sure I was going to get. Again, I use this experience to try to understand exactly how my manifesting process works. I applied for a grant, I wanted it for multiple reasons. 1. The money would be very helpful to me. 2. The support would be meaningful to me to know that others were behind my vision. There was about four months between the time I applied and the this morning when I was told I didn’t get the grant. So, here is what I think happened. I told the universe that I didn’t really want it because my thoughts looked like this: I said, “I don’t need that money, that money doesn’t matter, because I want more money than that, I want SO much money that the amount of money this grant is worth will not even matter, I shouldn’t need or want this money because I want more money than this and I will not accept this grant allowing me to do or have anything because I want those opportunities to come in another way and specifically through me receiving so much money that I never have to even think about money, I don’t want this money I just want the support, I will not accept less than full support and abundance and so for this amount of money to matter to me I must not be where I want to be which I do not accept, I don’t want this money to matter to me, this money doesn’t matter to me but oh, wouldn’t it be nice to have it. I want money but not like that.” Wow. Look at that! I see now, in hindsight, how I was saying one thing aloud, “I want this grant” and another with my thoughts, “This isn’t enough for me so I don’t want it”. Which brings me to the fourth thing…

Four: Realizations around my relationship with money, the law of attraction and what and how I am manifesting experiences in my life are happening exponentially rapidly. I have discovered in the past week a handful of beliefs that have been preventing me from accepting the abundance that I actually desire. Typically realizations like this would come after months of “work” on a particular thought pattern. Now, realizations come to me like lightening bolts allowing past repressed self-expression to leave my energy field completely and cease to continue to create my reality subconsciously. The rate with which my subconscious beliefs are becoming conscious and being released baffles me. I wonder if others on this path are experiencing something similar. Some of my realizations:

a. My experience will not stop. Ever. Death will not be the end and achieving a goal that I’ve been working toward (experiencing complete freedom through abundance, full support by the universe, full guidance and full confidence) will not be the end of my journey. I realized that I’ve been worried that if I achieve a state of enlightenment that I will be done. That there will be nothing left to discover or to do. I’ve been afraid that if I understand my manifesting process I will have revealed to myself the great mystery and the fun of life will cease to exist. Not true. As soon as I became aware of this belief I laughed in the face of its absurdity, thanked it for its service and let it go. There is always more to discover.

b. It is not actually the manifestation of money that I want, it’s the security that comes with that idea. I want to have complete trust in the support of the universe, complete freedom to make any choice that I please with the resources to support me. I want to have an awareness of beauty and synchronicity in every moment. I’ve been wanting large sums of money as a symbolic representation of this support and freedom. Now, although I still want the same financial support, the place that I am experiencing this desire from has shifted. My desire is no longer coming from lack but from the delight in experiencing the fullness of who I am. I know that I am the Universe, in part and in whole, on infinitely divisible levels of awareness. The perspective that I am experiencing from is not separate from the whole and is fully supported by the fullness of the whole. All of the pieces are available to me. Now, in each moment I recognize that I have the choice to acknowledge the abundance and support that is here for me. With this, the wanting isn’t really there. I am more just open to experiencing things that fit this awesome feeling I have. It’s the power of choice. I know that I have the power to choose in every moment.

c. If I create the space, the desired experience flows into it. I have understood for some time that the perspective I experience as being “Me” is like an empty space that experiences flow through. My awareness is witnessing them and a more dense aspect of myself is making choices within 3D reality. It all works in layers which, ultimately, can’t really be separated but can be understood that way from this perspective. The perspective which is “Me” is continually shifting in each moment that is “Now”. When I have a desire and create the space for it manifest, it does. Every time. Without fail. If I have a desire and fill the space with thoughts of the lack of it, it has no room to come in to my experience.

d. It is my purpose in life to create and to experience myself through my creation – in other words, to express myself fully and freely.

e. There is no perspective truth that is wrong. Each persons truth is real and valid, regardless of if it is congruent with the truth of others. We do all create an agreed upon, collective, truth that each of us may choose to experience in our own way. Still, each of our perspectives is its own expression of the whole universe and can’t be challenged as far as whether or not it is the one correct way of looking at things or not. On the highest “level” or perspective, no one of our experiences can be seen as separate from any other, there is no right or wrong or morality or issues or problems or good or bad or any of these distinctions that we experience from our perspective of duality. We are blessed to be human, this experience is amazing!

f. I have the full power of the universe within me expressed through my ability to choose. I choose in every moment and am developing and increasing awareness of the choices that are available to me.

Five. There have been bright, royal blue cars and objects jumping into my awareness, pulling my attention toward them in moments when I ask the universe for support and when I am feeling “lucid” meaning that I am aware of higher aspects of myself or in other words that I am aware that I am not only this expression of myself but also the “dreamer” of this expression. I never used to notice royal blue cars and now they have popped out of the woodwork! I see them constantly, the more lucid I am the more blue cars and objects. I know that my awareness is always guided, this is the law of attraction. I attract into my experience that with which I resonate with. With this understanding I am able to experience the magic and synchronicity in my everyday life and make decisions that are based in my “knowing” or intuitive mind. These blue cars/things have signified a large shift for me in my potential to be guided 100% of the time. I am still working on discovering the full implications of my awareness being guided to these royal blue objects. Also, butterflies have been coming into my experience in a similar way and have a similar but different significance tied to the specific energetic frequency of transformation during this time of great transition for me. I am marginalizing my experience less and less and with that I am able to see the magic in all things and acknowledge my full support.

So, this is what’s been going on for me lately! I hope that my words meet you where you are having some parallel experiences that reflect the truth in this and give this information a place to rest within you. I’d love to hear your comments! Thanks for reading!